Ever felt like you could lay on the floor and quit. Quit trying, quit fighting, quit breathing. Today was that day for me. Nothing bad happened per se to make me feel this way, other than knowing today’s date. I hadn’t necessarily been thinking about it. More like a general awareness of the time of year. Lately, I have been occupying my time with so many things, good and exciting things, that perhaps I thought those things would completely cover the gaping wound in my heart, preventing me from feeling the pain.
I was wrong. But, I’m thankful I was wrong. You see, feeling the pain is a first step in healing the pain. The pain is also a reminder to me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Today, I “should” have been preparing to celebrate my 9th wedding anniversary.
Today, I “should” have spent the morning telling the woman who raised me about the exciting things happening in my life.
But I'm choosing not to focus on "should". Instead, I remember them, I honor them, and, I release them.
If I’m being honest, I really want to drown my grief today in salty snacks. But I managed to will myself to the gym. Lord knows I wasn't feeling it today. But, I fought through the tears and showed up for myself anyway. I’m so glad I did.
It’s a journey. It’s a process. Day by day.
What are you learning to feel, release, and heal from? Let’s keep going together.